New-thing; Increasing the productivity

The new-thing was brought in to improve the morale, streamline processes and increase productivity. The new-thing was a result of months of search and a high-five figure commission to a PR firm paid by six figure earning “leadership”.

The new-thing called a meeting so, “We can hit the floors running”. The old secretary was immediately concerned about running part. The granddaddy was informed. He was not the kind of man to take this lightly. He thundered right into CEO’s office. She was alarmed. It was not everyday that granddaddy stormed in. Granddaddy was the longest-serving board member and also carried a title, which nobody understood. A legal glitch had resulted in an ironclad clause that granddaddy stays a board member till the day he dies. Nobody had foreseen that he would live this long and will take this role so seriously.

The CEO tried to quickly make a run to bathroom but granddaddy had seen it all. The CEO’s hiding in bathroom, under tables and behind plants! “What is this new nonsense about me having to run and hit the ground? I am granddaddy. I don’t run for nobody and definitely won’t hit the floor.”

CEO tried to explain that this does not involve him at all. Granddaddy told CEO that even without meeting the new-thing he was sure that she was incompetent. She is only 36. What would she know about reproductivity? When I was 36, I did not even know how to ride a bicycle. CEO corrected him that nobody would try to make him reproductive and he was probably confusing months for years. Granddaddy tried to leave the office through the bathroom door. CEO guided him to office exit.

Finally the meeting started. It was attended by granddaddy (due to some other legal glitch he could sit in on any meeting), diva (“if it’s not channel, it’s shit”), the foreigner who always suspected everything new was just to torture him and baby face whiz-kid whose expression varied between various shades of depression. There were also some other people who only came out once in a while from their high towers. They had such titles as vice president-marketing, vice president-development, VP-finances, executive vice president, junior vice president, vice president to vice-president and such equal and powerful titles.

The staff included old secretary (whose moods fluctuated between suicidal to homicidal and memory between BC and AD), the other secretary, (who has just undergone another facelift and literally was expressionless), the new hire data analyst who was trying to find her feet and the lady-like coordinator whose every response was absolutely lady like. That meant you had to wait for few minutes to get any response. The gossip-hawker was there already whispering something in next person’s ear. The quite and withdrawn assistant was well, quite and withdrawn.  To be continued…