Recently there was a video made by Vogue in partnership with Bollywood star, Deepika apparently about women empowerment. I am a strong supporter of equal rights for all. The video though is over the top, confused and frankly re-emphasize female stereotype. As a man, I am trying to go sentence by sentence and put my spin on it.
Vid: My Body! My mind! My choice! To wear the clothes I like as my spirit roams naked.
Me: I tried the same exact thing. But neighbors complained and yada yada yada, now I have to keep clothes on.
Vid: My choice! To be a size zero or 15. They don’t have a size for my spirit and never will.
Me: Is that why Clooney, Damon, DiCaprio, Depp and Pitt always land those sexiest man alive pseudo-awards? Must be because of their size 15! Double standards..eh!
VID: To use cotton and silk to trap my soul is to believe you can hold expansion of universe or capture sunlight in the palm of your hand.
Me: That sentence is so BS that I won’t even bother to respond. If I stand at a street corner and say things like that, I will be in a Psych facility in no time.
Vid: Your mind is caged, let it free. My body is not, let it be.
Me: You seem to be talking about either LSD, Mushrooms or Pot. Just don’t break any law!
Vid: My choice to marry or not to marry. To have sex before marriage, outside marriage or not to have sex.
Me: Some of my brethren men also expressed themselves in the same manner, by having sex outside marriage. Now their wives and attorneys have cleaned them out, they are homeless and living in a Motel6. So please extend same courtesy to my peeps.
Vid: My choice to lust temporarily or to love forever.
Me: You can always fake lust as love. Win Win!
Vid: My choice to love a man, a woman or both.
Me: As men, most of our fantasies involve women with other woman. So please go ahead and spare us no details.
Vid: Remember you are my choice; I am not your privilege.
Me: Remember it was your choice to sleep with that clown, Ranbir Singh. Don’t blame all men for your own bad choices.
Vid: Bindi on my forehead, ring on my finger and adding your surname to my name. They are ornaments. It can be replaced, my love for you cannot be. So treasure that.
Me: I totally agree. That’s why I don’t do a bindi, ring or the surname thing.
Vid: My choice. To come home at 4 am and don’t be fooled if I come home at 6pm.
Vid: So then don’t bitch if we come home at 4 am and go out again after coming home at 6 pm.
Vid: My choice to have your baby or not.
Me: My choice to impregnate you or not! No pressures.
Vid: To pick you from 7 billion choices or not.
Me: Are we freaking including children, al-Qaeda, Putin and people in coma as well.
Vid: So don’t get cocky. My pleasure may be your pain. My songs your noise. My order your anarchy. Your sins, my virtues.
Me: Did you really have to pay someone to write this crap? This is as nonsensical as; my sugar may be your salt. My apple your orange. My head your feet. Your body odor my fragrance.
Vid: My choices are like my fingerprints. They make me unique.
Me: My fingerprints are not even my choices. So what the heck does that make me?
Vogue, just because you shot the video in black and white and added some classical Indian music at the start does not make it “classy”.