I have finally realized that I am not perfect. I need someone who can help me through this weight loss and fitness thing. I need a physical trainer. I felt this is something that can work for me.
I approached one such gentleman who I have seen training people and trophy wives fairly regularly. I was under the impression that you just sign up and start exercising. This guy though apparently was Justin Bieber of training world. He scheduled me for an interview. As you will see it did not go very well.
PT: Why do you want to work with a trainer? What are your expectations?
Me: I want to lose weight and look like Brad Pitt. And so that you understand, Brad Pitt from “Fight Club” days and not post 6-7 children days. (I had a picture of Brad Pitt from Fight Club days with me. So there is no confusion.)
PT: We need to be realistic here. We should set small goals.
Me: I am realistic. I am not trying to be Caucasian Brad Pitt or have 6 children from 6 continents. I am perfectly happy to be brown Brad Pitt.
PT: How much time are you willing to dedicate?
Me: How about 30 minutes!
PT: 30 minutes a day is too little. I am not sure if you can achieve much in that short a period.
Me: I meant 30 minutes a week. I can give you 35 minutes a week though.
PT: Do you mean you just want to work 35 minutes in an entire week with me and you will work out on your own for rest of the week.
Me: Not at all. I am planning to do 35 minute of work out in an entire week. Is that too much?
PT: In fact that is very little. To be honest it is nothing. My clients warm up longer than that for a session with me.
Me: I am sorry to hear that you have clients who have nothing else to do. I want to be fit but I am not going to kill myself getting there.
He was already getting annoyed. To ease him I told him that I am a slow starter but once I get hang of something, I go all out. I might even be able to give him 45 minutes of my time over next few months.
PT: What about nutrition and diet?
Me: What about it?
PT: Do you plan to follow a high protein, paleo, vegan or any particular diet?
Me: Why do I need to diet if I am exercising 35 minutes a week.
He seemed really puzzled. “So that I understand, you want to be super fit but you only want to work out for 30 minutes a week and not follow any kind of diet! Did I miss something”?
Me: I already increased it to 35 minutes. If this diet thing is that important, I am willing to eat what you recommend for those 35 minutes while I am with you.
PT: Are you serious? I have a waiting list. I want to work with people who at least have some motivation.
Me: I am sorry that you have a##hole clients. May be you need more clients like me. May be it can be a journey with no final destination. May be just like a lazy river that just goes on and on. May be like that gentle breeze…
PT: I am really sorry but I will have to turn you down. I really don’t even know what you want from me. To be perfectly honest I have seen you in gym. All you seem to do is to watch TV, kill some time and leave.
Me: Well..I have been trying to get used to the place, get hang of it and feel the vibe. You know how it goes.
PT: I am really sorry but I can’t take you as my client.
Me: Can you at least refer me to one of your colleagues?
PT: I will not be able to live with myself if I did. But I think you should look into a life coach even before you look for a trainer.
I can’t believe I have been fired as a client even before I started. I am also afraid that these Trainer types talk to each other and nobody will take me. What the heck is a life coach?