Indian/Pakistan Police-May the force be with you!

Indian/Pakistan police represents a clean break from monotonous image that most of the police in developed world projects. Every single thing that you have learned about rules, rights or functioning of a civil society are meaningless when you deal with this wonderful institute.

At various times they have been called such endearing terms as “country’s biggest mafia”, “criminals with uniforms”, “mercenaries with licenses” etc by their own courts and media. But they have never let such praise go to their head.

-If you ever have the misfortune of filing a report, first you have to prove that you are not the criminal yourself. Just because you claim that you have been burglarized does not mean you have not done it yourself.

-Police will do it’s best to discourage you from filing a report.  They will inform you right away that chances of finding that car that was stolen 4 hours ago are minimal as “too much time” has passed.

-If you are reporting a suicide, you will be the first homicide suspect. If you are reporting a homicide you are still the first suspect. For anything else, your domestic help is the prime suspect.

-Police believe that people should have self-respect to pay for good service. You will just get along fine with them if you believe in this principle.Some people call it bribe but then you know how people are!. They are very fair. They call both parties (eg robber and the robbed) and inform what the other party is offering in bribe. You can always up your bid and that way have a fair shot.

Please don’t!

-If you pay them, they will work very hard to find the criminals between there other pressing chores such as touching feet of politicians, providing security for VIP marriages, and carrying out extra judicial killings for their masters.

-They already know who the thieves are! It is just that Police are professionals and will not betray a thief’s trust.

-Please do not pay any attention to cries of help coming from the back of a police station as these are “criminals” who are being third degreed for confession. Police here specializes in this field. They can make Santa Clause confess that he is father of Obama.

On the other hand, if you are “connected” or “work” with them, you get a service that people anywhere else can only dream of. These include “calling a thief” right on his mobile and he will bring your stolen car back within an hour. If they can’t find it, you can pick a vehicle from impounded lot. They will help you even get papers and registration etc.

Among your other duties, you have to carry your senior officers in a manner that his uniform that does not get wet.

People love them! Street vendors don’t charge them, rickshaw pullers don’t charge them, prostitutes don’t charge them, movie theaters and local restaurants don’t charge them. Beggars in fact give them money. Again, some people call it extortion but it is just a token of respect by common man.

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