First Indian on Mars

As the country enters 21st century (we have been entering it for last 16 years), India under its new right-wing leadership has decided to become first country to land a man on Mars. Though no plan, technology, personnel or resources exist, PM claimed “with this plan to put a man on Mars, India has become a super-power”. To celebrate this achievement he wore a golden suit (literally made with gold fibers) with platinum lettering announcing his own name.

After this as a token of his solidarity with “common man” he ate a simple super heavily subsidized meal for $0.5 and the bill was posted on Twitter/FB/Instagram/YouTube/metro/buses/railway and cave where Yeti lives. This will help common man to bond with PM and understand that he is not all about super complicated science stuff. PM indeed is a humble man who seeks no publicity for himself. But what can you do about “common man” who loves him so much and posted the bill all over.

A new poster “Mars today, Sun tomorrow’ was released. PM dared young generation to dream big and start preparing for landing on Sun. The knowledge is already there ” in our scriptures”.

The world’s greatest scientific body, Indian Science Congress (also known as national retarded congress) congratulated PM for taking the initiative to reclaim Mars. Our ancestors had landed there thousands of years ago as clearly documented in scriptures.. Landing on Sun should also not be a problem. Lord Sun god had impregnated Kunti long ago with a baby without sex.

When a reporter asked why should mythology be used as basis for spending government money, PM answered that science and mythology are like two brothers and should work together. His supporters started chanting “science! science! science!” All other questions were drowned in this noise.

The government has declared it “Mars-conquest” day. A plastic model rocket shaped like a trifork (trishul) was presented to media as evidence that PM indeed is serious. The Indian space agency will launch this project under direct supervision of baba guru shri 1008 Kamdev. Though illetrate, baba’s blessings and guidance will be critical for the success of the mission.

The project will also benefit from inspiring leadership of minister of higher education, who despite only high school education, has some cutting edge ideas. These include tying a black thread to the rocket to protect it from bad spirits, having incense smelling fuel and sticking a Ganeshjee at the front of Rocket. When challenged by one (out of line) scientist  that there are no spirits, the minister turned the tables on him by asking “can you prove they don’t exist”. The party’s ultra right wing supporters could not believe how sharp she was, despite being a woman.

Incidentally scientist was later on transferred to “sheep and wool department” where as a well-trained rocket scientist, he persuades sheep to mate.              To be continued…

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