Facebook, Likes and such

The FB “like” has taken over the virtual world as a bad rash. You are only worth the likes you get. The “like” is the new bitcoin and will soon be taxable (off course, with some tax loopholes). It has created new diseases such as “Likomania”, “Likoma”, “Likorrhea”, “Likosis” and that most dreaded and incurable ALDS (Acquired Like Deficiency Syndrome).

There are certain things which are sure shot winners in this parallel world:

~Babies are definite winners. So tough luck if you don’t have any. If possible beg, borrow or make some.

~Pets striking cute poses come close second. If you have an ugly one, dump it fast or at least get some cosmetic work done. Remember even a RIP message for a dead pet is a gold mine.

~Parent’s pictures, especially if they are old get thumbs up. What heartless soul will not like a 70’s picture of two strangers looking straight at camera.

~The barter system is in full flow. To get some, you need to give some. So if you are the not “liking type” brace for no likes.

~It helps if you are a boss or business owner. All the subordinate types “like” you so much that you feel like Jennifer Lopez in a male prison.

-Words alone are not going to do it! Throw in that sensational picture of a beheading, that video of Tiger eating a man in zoo or that child beggar. May be you ruined someone’s breakfast but it’s not your problem.

The “Like” classification goes as such:

-Cute Like: pictures of babies, pets, old parents, older grandparents (dead one gets more likes)

-Gratitude Like : you “liked” other person’s stuff and a favor returned is a favor earned.

-Absent minded Like: You can write “I am dying of diarrhea” and some people will like it. Because they “like” everything.

Guilt Like: You stood the person up, dumped him/her or were simply a jerk. Now least one can do is “like” their post.

Kiss Ass Like: A dog licks master and you get the rest.

Pseudo-intellectual Like: a copy pasted “inspiring” message such as “life is beautiful” or “roses are red”.

Nostalgic Like: old flames dealing with midlife monotony and boring suburban existence.

Remember, life is not fair! Beautiful people, just like real life are going to get more likes. Kim Kardashian’s rear end will beat Stephen Hawking’s new theory 10:1. So suck it up and “Like” this post.

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