I pet him, patronize him and ask him how does it feel to be a dog. He asks me how does it feel to be a patronizing pretentious jerk.
I ask him why his tail can never be straight. He asks me isn’t it boring to be straight.
I ask him why he licks himself so much. He tells me at least he licks his own balls.
I ask him why he barks so much. He asks me why you guys kill each other so much.
I ask him why does he salivates so much. He asks me why I sit in front of a colored glass box for hours.
I try to explain it to him that being a human comes with responsibility as we are the superior species. He asks if I have forgotten to take my medications today.
I try to explain that we work, have goals and earn paychecks so we can buy things. He asks me how does it feel to be a slave.
I tell him to behave like a dog as he is “just” a dog. He asks me what do I plan to do if he does not behave like a dog. Bomb him, declare him a member of axis of evil or put financial sanctions on him?
I again try to persuade him that I belong to a much more advanced species. He asks me then why is it that you pick up my poop.
I detect hostility and try a different approach. I tell him there is no reason we can’t get along. He tells me he understands that he is a dog and I am his master. But he knows his rights. He threatens me that he can sue me for mental harassment, inhuman behavior, wrongful confinement and possibly some other crap. And how would a member of superior species feel about that!
I realize that my good old friend remains no more. He has become a pain, a nuisance, a cunning beast and a scoundrel. He has just become a man.