My Cousin, Private and moustached seducer (MS from now on) finally settled on a girl. A letter using my cousin’s ink and wisdom of MS was prepared. Private suggested writing letter in red ink and claiming that writer has written it with his own blood. MS advised them against it because he had already tried it. The girl fainted and then everybody knew about the letter.
The letter started with a “very new and original” opening which meant something like flower-body (Gulbadan) when translated.
The opening paragraph informed the girl why she is the lucky recipient of this letter. Apparently the letter writer finds her very pure and not a “loose character” at all. Though she is not particularly beautiful but she is not ugly as well. The writer has seen fairer girls but he is willing to overlook this deficiency because he thinks she is pure. Purity is very important to letter writer.
The next paragraph informs the girl a little bit about letter writer himself. He is tall, wheatish, has all his teeth and combs his hair to left. This was followed by conflicting and contradicting bits so my cousin could not be identified if the letter falls in wrong hands. He is tall but not very, could be fairer than wheatish and sometimes might comb the hair to right. He is a good boy, very good in studies and will definitely become “Collector, Doctor or Engineer”. These were spelled as “Klakter, Daktar or Enjuner”. I tried to correct them as even I knew couple of these spellings but they hushed me and told me not to bother grown ups when they were working.
They also decided to finish off a potential competing lover early. “And I am definitely not that Subhash who is not a good boy and says bad things about you. He is not pure and he wants to make you impure as well. If you become impure and a loose character who will marry you then? Not even a Sardar! Do you want to be with a Sardar or me?”
The ending was something like “forever yours” or “someone who can’t sleep at nights”. This was followed by a not so gentle reminder that the writer looks forward to a positive response. Otherwise he has other options. Off course there was never a name. That could get you in serious trouble.