My Cousin-search for “heroine” (part6)

My cousin would visit Private with inks and he will provide paper. He had an impressive collection of books about seducing girls. These books were printed on cheapest paper and did not bother with such trivial things as grammar or proofreading. They had inspiring stories from author’s own life about how he turned the most sought after girl in a complete love conquest with just few simple tricks. It provided readers with such cold hard facts as “every girl wants to be with a guy just like you but is too shy”. It cautioned readers not to treat women well at all or they will think too much of themselves and then conquest might become difficult. The personal hygiene was emphasized with advise such as using talcum powder liberally, not to have a runny nose or stuff leaking out of ears.

imageThe next section dealt with how to make first contact with the girl. The author advised bold steps such as running straight into the girl, knocking her down and then helping her get up. The other options included befriending her brother, stalking her so she knows that you are indeed in love with her or jump from behind a tree and present her with a rose. He also recommended making the girl feel bad by paying more attention to her friend because “that will lead to jealousy which will lead to love”. All these strategies had a sound basis as author himself had tried them.

After this there was a section about love letters. There were 20 sample letters. The letters had openings such as “queen of my dreams”,” my moonlight”,” my rose without thorns” or “my life’s freshener”. The author did not have much faith in abilities of his demographics. He advised just to copy it and not change too many things.

My cousin and Private had divided the girls in 4 categories:

1) Pure: Presumed untouched clean girls like a Yash Chopra movie and highly desirable.

2) “Loose Character”: In their opinion these girls did not have any character. Any simple gossip, a girl caught smiling at a boy or rejection of advances of a passionate lover was enough to lock a girl in this category. When they said the word it came out as “luzkrakter”

3) “She loves me but can’t have me”: These girls were already in love with them but they could never have these princes either due to being from a different caste or some other mismatch situation.

4) Dimag-Kharab (Completely Crazy): these were feisty girls who had beaten up the guys and were feared.

My cousin always focussed on “pure” type because the movie heroines were all pure. Private was completely dedicated to luzkrakters. He had a complete database of luzkrakters. Once a girl was labelled luzkrakter, Private will immediately enter the name  in a diary which he kept under lock. They had some kind of a deal where my cousin will not try his charms on luzkrakters and Private will not hit on Pure ones. It did not matter to them that these girls hardly knew them or cared what they thought about them. They did not bother with Dimag-Kharabs as being beaten by a girl was complete disaster and could result in ruining of your stud image.

If these two were not creepy enough, at times they were joined by a third dude who apparently was a master seducer. He had a reputation of being able to seduce any girl or women. The guy was a pretty disturbing sight. He was thin as a pencil, had even thinner moustache, had horrible teeth and drenched himself with cheap perfume. You could smell him before he really arrived. Even as a 10-year-old I had serious doubts about this guy’s claims of having multiple women “under my control”. But these two seemed to worship him. He was “very smart” because he had failed only once in 10th grade and now was failing in 11th grade. This was a step up for these two as they were still failing in 10th grade.

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