A Temple of Learning

The university had a very futuristic educational outlook. Even before ” no child left behind” was coined in US, the university was practicing it. In fact it was practicing “pretty much no one left behind”. Any university can provide you with education but can they guarantee you a diploma! The university believed in people. Hence it did not bother if you attended classes or not. When exam time came it provided options that Harvards of the world can only dream about. You could get questions before the exam, prepare answers and then take the test. If that was too much, you could have someone take the exam for you. If you were the “do it yourself” type, you could sit for the exam and answers will be brought right to your desk. If you didn’t want to go through such hassles, you could always bribe the clerks and they will change answer sheets for you. Off course you could always track down your answer sheets all the way to the person who was going to score it and negotiate. If you were a complete loser that who still managed to screw-up, you had the option of taking the supplementary exam where you could still do all these things all over again.

The wise men at University knew that all work and no play could make RadheShyam  a dull boy. Hence they provided such recreational activities as eve teasing, bottom pinching and “stalk a girl”. There were also “cultural festivals” for culture vultures which provided future generation leaders a platform to learn essential foundation forming skills such as extortion from businesses, threats and providing “security”. The “culture” was indeed taken very seriously. The events at these festivals included pelvic thrusting by professional dancers on Bollywood numbers, double meaning jokes, throwing peanuts at girls and off course bottom pinching. The chief guest would be a former student leader who has become a “full leader” at this time.

Thousands of years of indian culture being presented in a very graceful and dignified manner.

You finally got your diploma. Now you want that coveted government job which included such perks as unlimited bribes, guaranteed promotions, pension for life and off course never be fired. The Public service commission had you covered.This institute provided even more opportunities for self-improvement and meaningful employment. Don’t get greedy though! The first takes went to Commission’s members and their families. Once they have had their picks of jobs

Always fighting for their rights!

then you can move ahead. The rates were very straight forward but negotiable depending on the exam you want to ace. The high standards set by University were followed here as well. Once you had cleared the written exam, the next challenge was to ace the interview. Since these high-ranking public servants won’t even touch a bribe, the “contact” collected it for them. At times you had to bribe a lower class “contact” to find this proper contact. The future public servants had to make some very tough decisions to come with this money. At times they agreed to marry so they could collect dowry and pay this amount. This was the ultimate act of self-sacrifice for the greater good of people and society.

If you had a scholarly bend of mind, the university had you covered as well. If you completed B.A., you could always do M.A. But why just stop there. Do LLB!  Get LLM! The fees, boarding and everything was heavily subsidized and with all kinds of scholarships and grants, some students even end up making money by staying enrolled. To makes end meet during this grinding, back-breaking period of life you could always moonlight as a professional protester, muscle, paid political activist or simply enroll for PhD.

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